Reasons Families Fight About Senior Home Health Care
Caring for an aging loved one can be one of the most stressful family milestones. The sheer difficulty of the task, its high cost, as well as underlying family issues, can create a perfect storm of discontent. But, when families put aside their differences and work together as a team for the best interest of their elderly loved one, they are often able to overcome this challenge and assure that their parents have the happiest remainder of life possible.
Here are 10 reasons families fight about senior care, and advice about how to prevent these types of conflicts:
- Siblings View Parent’s Needs Differently
Adult siblings don’t always see care needs the same way. One child may have the impression that mom is doing fine at home while another feels that care must be put in place immediately.
Possible Solution: When siblings disagree about how much care a parent needs, or about whether the parent needs care at all, the conflict can often be resolved by seeking expert guidance. Seek out the help of a trusted counsel such as the senior’s primary care physician. Arrange for an elder care assessment to see your older loved one at home and gauge the level of safety.
- Parent Resists Care
Sometimes the whole family is on board and agrees that mom or dad needs care, but the parent resists any change altogether. It’s understandable; people value their independence highly, and are not willing to give it up so freely.
Possible Solution: When you’re trying to persuade a parent to think about home health care and other assistance, make it clear that you’re not trying to “put them in a home.” Help your parent understand your concerns and that they come from love. Also educate your parent about the senior care options that are available in the area. Your parent may imagine moving somewhere dreadful and just isn’t aware of all of the options that are available to them nowadays.
- Family Members Regress to Earlier Roles or Past Issues Resurface
When the immediate family comes together to care for mom or dad, they often revert to dysfunctional and unhealthy roles of the past. Sibling rivalry may suddenly rear its head again during the stressful process of caring for an aging parent.
Possible Solution: It’s not realistic to get along with everyone in your family, or for your parents needs to suddenly unite a family that was formerly divided. Recognize that you won’t always see the best behavior from your loved ones and that you won’t agree with them on every issue. Practice active listening, as family members who feel like their voice isn’t being heard are most likely to become frustrated.
- One Child Does All the Heavy Lifting
Often the child who lives closest to mom or dad will be the one that assumes the role of the main caregiver. When other family members don’t offer to help, the child who is giving all the care can come to resent the siblings who have gotten off without having to help.
Possible Solution: Caregivers who have found themselves shouldering an inordinate portion of the burden from caregiving shouldn’t be afraid to ask other family members for help. Sometimes it is necessary to spell out your specific needs to your siblings rather than presuming that the needs are already understood. While they may not be close enough to physically offer a hand, they may be able to contribute in other areas, such as by paying for caregiving related bills.
- One Child in Control Excludes Others From Decision Making
Almost opposite of the previous example occurs when one child takes over the caregiving role and leaves their siblings or other family members in the dark, perhaps even limiting access to their parent.
Possible Solution: It hurts to feel left out, but if your parent’s care needs are being met and they seem safe and happy, it might not be necessary to intervene further right now. If your relationship with the caregiving loved one is strained and you’re less involved then you’d like to be, strive to maintain an ongoing relationship with your parent nonetheless.
- How to Pay for Senior Care
For many families, the most challenging part of arranging care is the question of how to pay for it, particularly when your parents don’t have the funds to pay themselves. This scenario is increasingly common as many seniors’ retirement accounts still haven’t recovered from the 2008 economic meltdown and subsequent recession. Unless funding for care is found through government assistance like Medicaid or veteran’s aid, the adult children may have to look to their own pockets to pay for care.
Possible Solution: Open communication is essential to preventing conflict. If the cost of your parent’s care will require the grown children or other family members to help pay for the care, call a family meeting with all the people involved right away. Realistically establish the cost of care and determine how much money needs to be raised between all the involved parties. When these decisions are made in the open, with everyone at the table, future conflict is less likely. It’s only natural that the process should be as fair as possible and that a sibling with a lower income should not be expected to contribute as much as a sibling with a higher income, but not all families agree on what’s fair and isn’t. In these cases, the voice of a neutral but knowledgeable outsider may come in handy. Alma Health Skilled Services will work directly with families as they plan a parent’s care!
Loved ones often battle fiercely about the care of their elderly loved one. One child may want to arrange home health care, while another may advocate taking the burden on all their own. In all cases, seeking out the help from outside advisors will alleviate some of the stress of making these decisions.
Contact us today for a free in home consultation and let us help you work towards to best solution for your parent!
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[post_date] => 2016-07-06 15:36:56
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[post_content] => Caring for an aging loved one can be one of the most stressful family milestones. The sheer difficulty of the task, its high cost, as well as underlying family issues, can create a perfect storm of discontent. But, when families put aside their differences and work together as a team for the best interest of their elderly loved one, they are often able to overcome this challenge and assure that their parents have the happiest remainder of life possible.
Here are 10 reasons families fight about senior care, and advice about how to prevent these types of conflicts:
- Siblings View Parent’s Needs Differently
Adult siblings don’t always see care needs the same way. One child may have the impression that mom is doing fine at home while another feels that care must be put in place immediately.
Possible Solution: When siblings disagree about how much care a parent needs, or about whether the parent needs care at all, the conflict can often be resolved by seeking expert guidance. Seek out the help of a trusted counsel such as the senior’s primary care physician. Arrange for an elder care assessment to see your older loved one at home and gauge the level of safety.
- Parent Resists Care
Sometimes the whole family is on board and agrees that mom or dad needs care, but the parent resists any change altogether. It’s understandable; people value their independence highly, and are not willing to give it up so freely.
Possible Solution: When you’re trying to persuade a parent to think about home health care and other assistance, make it clear that you’re not trying to “put them in a home.” Help your parent understand your concerns and that they come from love. Also educate your parent about the senior care options that are available in the area. Your parent may imagine moving somewhere dreadful and just isn't aware of all of the options that are available to them nowadays.
- Family Members Regress to Earlier Roles or Past Issues Resurface
When the immediate family comes together to care for mom or dad, they often revert to dysfunctional and unhealthy roles of the past. Sibling rivalry may suddenly rear its head again during the stressful process of caring for an aging parent.
Possible Solution: It’s not realistic to get along with everyone in your family, or for your parents needs to suddenly unite a family that was formerly divided. Recognize that you won’t always see the best behavior from your loved ones and that you won't agree with them on every issue. Practice active listening, as family members who feel like their voice isn’t being heard are most likely to become frustrated.
- One Child Does All the Heavy Lifting
Often the child who lives closest to mom or dad will be the one that assumes the role of the main caregiver. When other family members don’t offer to help, the child who is giving all the care can come to resent the siblings who have gotten off without having to help.
Possible Solution: Caregivers who have found themselves shouldering an inordinate portion of the burden from caregiving shouldn’t be afraid to ask other family members for help. Sometimes it is necessary to spell out your specific needs to your siblings rather than presuming that the needs are already understood. While they may not be close enough to physically offer a hand, they may be able to contribute in other areas, such as by paying for caregiving related bills.
- One Child in Control Excludes Others From Decision Making
Almost opposite of the previous example occurs when one child takes over the caregiving role and leaves their siblings or other family members in the dark, perhaps even limiting access to their parent.
Possible Solution: It hurts to feel left out, but if your parent’s care needs are being met and they seem safe and happy, it might not be necessary to intervene further right now. If your relationship with the caregiving loved one is strained and you’re less involved then you’d like to be, strive to maintain an ongoing relationship with your parent nonetheless.
- How to Pay for Senior Care
For many families, the most challenging part of arranging care is the question of how to pay for it, particularly when your parents don’t have the funds to pay themselves. This scenario is increasingly common as many seniors’ retirement accounts still haven’t recovered from the 2008 economic meltdown and subsequent recession. Unless funding for care is found through government assistance like Medicaid or veteran’s aid, the adult children may have to look to their own pockets to pay for care.
Possible Solution: Open communication is essential to preventing conflict. If the cost of your parent’s care will require the grown children or other family members to help pay for the care, call a family meeting with all the people involved right away. Realistically establish the cost of care and determine how much money needs to be raised between all the involved parties. When these decisions are made in the open, with everyone at the table, future conflict is less likely. It’s only natural that the process should be as fair as possible and that a sibling with a lower income should not be expected to contribute as much as a sibling with a higher income, but not all families agree on what’s fair and isn’t. In these cases, the voice of a neutral but knowledgeable outsider may come in handy. Alma Health Skilled Services will work directly with families as they plan a parent’s care!
Loved ones often battle fiercely about the care of their elderly loved one. One child may want to arrange home health care, while another may advocate taking the burden on all their own. In all cases, seeking out the help from outside advisors will alleviate some of the stress of making these decisions.
Contact us today for a free in home consultation and let us help you work towards to best solution for your parent!
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